Guns & Ammo: Fox News Edition

Even the Fox News staff thinks Mike Huckabee is a nutjob. That’s impressive. Apparently, Huckabee unsurprisingly owns “multiple” AR-15s, which is of course excessive and unnecessary unless you are either planning to be in a war zone and/or are barbequing with Ted Nugent. (If you are going to barbeque in a war zone, Ted Nugent is the guy to bring along.) For the uninitiated, an AR-15 is a high-powered semi-automatic rifle—equivalent to an M-16, which is what US military personnel carry into battle. Huckabee’s Fox News friends thought he was a “psychopath” and hid under a table when he tried to show them his weapons. He’s probably a bad shot. Also, Huckabee has no regrets about his terrible transphobic shower joke because he is an awful human.

I am actually a little bit conservative when it comes to the second amendment. I believe in the right to bear arms, and frankly, think shooting is kind of fun. (I like cardboard targets.) I support hunting of animals that are abundant (like deer and rabbits) for food and sport as long as it’s done carefully and as humanely as possible given that the animal dies. Perhaps some will disagree with me, but I’d rather see a deer shot and eaten than hit by a car to rot on the side of the road.

That said, I am 100% against hunting for sport in other countries. Pheasants in your cornfield are one thing, elephants in Zimbabwe another. Seriously, you don’t need to hunt animals that are even remotely in danger of extinction, jerk. People who go on excursions to hunt these wild creatures are not in need of a food source. Using an automatic rifle to kill something the size of a barn takes no talent. Hitting a turkey with a .22—that takes a bit of skill. Also, turkey is delicious.

I am also in favor of stricter laws governing automatic and high caliber weapons. Hunters don’t typically use a 50 cal to take down a squirrel. (Can you imagine? There wouldn’t be anything left of the poor thing.) And, yes, they eat squirrels in Missouri. Poor folks do hunt for food in the U.S. I saw an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations where folks in the Ozarks cooked up a squirrel pot pie. He said it was tasty. Also, he helped clean the squirrel. He’s an interesting celebrity. Anyway, we do need some limits on weapons to keep small animals from being obliterated by ammo that’s as big as they are. Also, crazy people shooting up crowded malls is kind of a problem.

So, Mike Huckabee apparently feels like he needs multiple AR-15 rifles in his possession to . . . what? Feel safe? Defend his mansion? Play soldier with Anne Coulter? Honestly, I don’t know why he needs a bunch of semi-autos. His Fox News staff doesn’t know either. Maybe they thought he was going to go on a spree? I admit, if I saw Huckabee swing a 7.62 caliber anything in my direction, I would dive under the table too. I might be on his list of valid targets. That’s a scary thought. Still, you know you’re a fringe ring-winger when even Fox News people think you’re extreme. No word yet on whether Ted Nugent will extend a dinner invitation. Nugent’s invites are usually BYO grenades. (In fairness, Ted usually eats what he kills.)

In summation, I don’t think the authors of the second amendment had whackadoodles like Mike Huckabee and his AR-15 collection in mind when they penned the guarantee about the US militia.  I don’t know about anyone else, but he’s the last person I want defending my freedom.