Time-Saving Invention: Car Seat-Toilet Hybrid

I’m starting a new job today. Actually, I’m starting the orientation for the new job today. I think it still counts though because I get paid for the orientation. I have a lot of fear about this new job, mostly surrounding the lengthy commute involved in getting to the location. It’s an hour and a quarter one way. When should I leave? What if there’s a thunderstorm or an accident? What if gas prices skyrocket? When am I going to have time to write a daily blog? If I recall my driver’s education classes correctly, they suggested against using laptops while driving.

Maybe I can get a voice-to-text thingamajig and record my blogs via audio in the car. I’m not sure this is the best plan either but it is an option. I mean, I like writing my blogs in the morning but I’m not getting up at 4:30 a.m. just to record my ridiculous ideas for you people before I have to leave. What is this, the army? Screw you, drill sergeant.

I need to go to the grocery store. I won’t have time to come home for lunch. Even if I did, that would be stupid. I don’t yet have an office or access to a refrigerator though so I’m not sure where I’m going to put my food. I may have to stock up on granola bars and canned pudding. Does pudding even come in cans anymore? What other food can I carry in my backpack? I don’t like bananas. Also, I may have to cut back on my morning coffee intake because there’s only one rest stop between my house and my job. I can only hold it for so long. I wonder how well adult diapers work. Just kidding. Sort of.

The good news is that I’m getting paid. I think. That whole HR thing still isn’t fully completed. The state of Florida asks a lot of nosy questions of their new employees. I’ve never had to check off so many “no” answers to questions I barley understood about conflict of interest issues before.  I’ve never been employed by the Florida department of corrections and I don’t even know why the university cares about that. Also, their question about veteran status didn’t have enough options. “Depends who you ask” wasn’t a viable choice. But that’s a blog for another day. Maybe tomorrow. If there’s time. Stop pressuring me.

In summation, getting ready for this new job is proving to be more complicated than I first imagined.