On Cetaceans and Billionaires
/Pods of orcas seem hell-bent on destroying every yacht they encounter; Hurricane Ian wiped out Sanibel Island last year, and now Least Terns are nesting on the causeway for the first time in 30 years; several species of monkeys and great apes may be in their own stone age: What do all these things have in common? The earth fckn hates us. Obviously. Also, the Atlantic Ocean would like to know if it stuttered when it said GTFO. Seriously, the ocean is getting real sick of our shit.
If you’ve been following the news of late, you know that a bunch of rich dudes just imploded inside a mini-sub in the north Atlantic near the site of the Titanic wreckage. Now I don’t want to do too deep of a dive on this topic (see what I did there?) but I do want to comment briefly: What was the point of that trip? I mean, ostensibly, to tour the Titanic, but can you actually see anything at the bottom of the pitch black ocean through the porthole of a mini-sub illuminated by a little spot light? I’m gonna say no. So, clearly this was the latest entry in the ongoing contest between billionaire boys and their overpriced toys. Last year we had a bunch of these dipshits launching rockets into space, so I guess the ocean floor was the next stop in wasting shit-tons of money on stupid endeavors. Money that could be used for things like cleaning up the planet, feeding hungry people, or any number of other things that might benefit more than the egos of like four assholes.
We have had so many warnings from experts, and so many chances to dial back the damage we’re causing to the planet, and yet…here we are. I don’t have the time nor the energy to get into the details of how terrible humans as a species are, so let me say, instead, that animals fighting back, and the earth belching itself back up at us is the best we can hope for. Yes! Go Terra Firma, kill us off. Covid was a good start, but it didn’t take out nearly enough of us. Maybe a plague that can specifically target wealthy people might be good?
In conclusion, I hope dolphins eat the rich. They probably don’t taste very good, but I don’t think cetaceans can taste bitter. I’m rooting for Team Orca.